Storytime + Review| Almost Dying and The Lies of Locke Lamora

Well hello there, friend. Wow. Long time no see! I've been off galavanting across the world (so get ready to see all the pictures you never knew you wanted!!!). 
If you read my last post, you know that I went to Norway + England with a suitcase full of books. And (are you ready for this???):

I read them all.
*audible gasp*

I know. I'm just as surprised as you are.

Somehow, the book gods gave me their blessing, and 4 out of the 13 new books I brought were AMAZING. (I would have been upset if I didn't find some new favorites after carrying that many books across the ocean.)

But out of the 4 books that I adored, one stood out above the rest, but it also happens to be the book I can recommend the least. How does that work? you say. What a great question! It was definitely the sketchiest book I read, and what a coincidence! I read it while I was in the sketchiest place in Norway!

Sketchiest Book + Sketchiest Place (I almost died)

Review: I am 5' 1", I gasp when I see puppies, I smile at everyone I see, and goodness gracious, you best believe my whole day just got a whole heckin' lot better if I see a rainbow. Yet The Lies of Locke Lamora is one of my new favorite books.

I started this book when I was driving through the peaceful mountains of Norway, reading about the bloody streets that Locke lived amongst, and the streets that Locke himself bloodied (he's a very violent young man, but also so loveable. It's funny how often those two go hand it hand).

I have a hard time coming up with a coherent review because all I can do is remember the stunning masterpiece that is this book and flail.

So Here's A List Of What I Love:
  • It's set in a Venetian world but if Venice was nothing but murder and heists and conmen. 
  • Terrifying sharks patrol the waters, and I am here for ALL THE SHARKS.
  • There is so much going on, but there was never a point where I was confused. 
  • Honestly, Scott Lynch is a genius. Every single story line flows together so smoothly and cohesively but there is never a point where it feels manufactured. 
  • It is very stressful, but in a good way (also I cried, from stress for these new children of mine that I knew I couldn't protect)
  • Locke is actually both the most gruesome man born from necessity and blood, and also the most loyal sweetie in the world.
  • woah now that is a friend group
  • Actually, now that I think of it, it reminds me of an adult Six of Crows. 
Which brings us to the reason that I can't officially recommend it: If swearing and gore and stabbing makes you feel nauseous or even slightly uncomfortable, then avoid this book. It is not a nice book. (but it is amazing...unofficially)

Every sketchy book needs a sketchy story to keep it company. 
Storytime: We open on a girl and her mother walking down the street, the sky casting a foreboding grey across the city. Sirens scream in the distance. It is the edge of the city, quite literally on the wrong side of the tracks.

My mother and I were in Trondheim, the most magical city I'd ever been in (which I will be posting about, don't you worry). We were walking around, admiring the artistic graffiti.

Isn't that so cool??!!!
We were in the grungy artist part of town, walking by grungy houses where grungy artists lived their authentic lives with their nonsensical wire sculptures and upside down cars turned into social commentary. Neat. I admired the atmosphere.

Then: as we continued to stroll down the street, I noticed that the grungy artists were turning into sketchy men loitering, watching us.

I wanted to turn around and go back to the car.

My mother kept going.

As we keep going, we found the stuff of nightmares.

The stuff of cautionary Tumblr posts.

The stuff of CSI episodes.

A tunnel. 
And not just any tunnel, no no no. 

This tunnel was at the very end of the street, and we couldn't see what was on the other side. Now most rational people would turn around here and not go to their certain deaths, but my tiny, sweet, jumps-when-you-round-the-corner-too-fast mother declared: "Let's go!"

But guess who plunged down into the darkness??? My mother. And I wasn't just going to leave her to die so I went after her like the good daughter I am. There was someone in the corner who was clearly on drugs, and me being the lil 5' 1" Slytherin ball of paranoia that I am, I was ready to tackle anyone who took one step towards me (and my momma, of course. but mainly me)

Clearly I survived. But barely. Anything could have happened. I could have died. (I'm not being dramatic, Jerry, you just weren't there. You don't know how scary it was.)

On our way back to the car, I saw this: 
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." 
It has no relevance to the story. I just wanted to include it because I love it.

What is the sketchiest place you've been? Have you read The Lies of Locke Lamora? TELL ME ABOUT DUMB THINGS YOUR MOTHER HAS DONE SO I CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT MINE. jk i love you mom. plz don't kick me out. 



  1. 'Not my circus, not my monkeys.'- that's a phrase I like to use now and then.
    *grimaces* That tunnel doesn't look all that inviting. I'm glad you survived!
    It's good to hear from you again! Welcome back!

    1. I'm glad I survived, too. XD

      Thanks! Glad to be back.

  2. Nothing like a good tunnel! The Lies of Locke Lamora JUST came from the library. I'm very excited about it and all 700 of its pages.

    The sketchiest place I've been is probably an alleyway. I walked through one once. I cannot remember where it was or what I was doing, but I entered the alleyway without realizing it was an alleyway. Halfway down, I hesitated for a fraction of a second and realized, with a crawl up my spine, that I was in an alleyway. I now do my best to recognize alleyways BEFORE entering.

    1. Ooo, I can't wait to hear what you think of it, good or bad.

      Alleyways can be quite daunting, and they do creep up on you. Tricky things that they are.

  3. WOW THIS IS ALL SO INTENSE. THE BOOK AND YOUR ADVENTURES IN THE GRUNGY SCARY TOWN IN NORWAY!! I'm so glad you lived :''') *hugs you and gives you waffles of comfort* your mom is so brave!!! wow. that graffiti is cool though 😍


    rock on,

    1. I'M GLAD I LIVED, TOO. XD *accepts all the waffles. builds a fortress from waffles* Yeah, the graffiti was very fun to peruse and marvel at.


  4. HA! Your gif with Oprah made me laugh so hard. Great post btw!

  5. Looong time, girl!

    Okay, okay.

    So I've heard of this book but I haven't read it. I heard another booktuber compare it to Six of Crows, saying that this one's better. I usually don't pick up Fantasy as quickly as Contemporary but we'll see what happens...

    1. I know, right? It has indeed been a while. XD

      It is quite intense. I hope you enjoy it if you do decide to read it!!!!

  6. Wow that tunnel right there doesn't look exciting at all, Good thing you survived lol. Nice post by the way!

  7. OKAY I FREAKING RELATE TO THIS SO MUCH BECAUSE (a) I am also Slytherin and 5'1 and (b) I do not trust sketchy tunnels, and (c) I loooove Locke Lamora like nothing else afjdls it is the series of my LIFE and I am constantly offended by the fact there's only 3 books when I need 300.

    1. EHHH, TWINS!!!!

      I think walking through that tunnel is the most I'll ever relate to Locke. XD

  8. This post is so lovely - you made me smile so much! Oh, and good thing your survived that tunnel it looks pretty mysterious :)

    Grace Louise ||

  9. Bahaha - I love the pictures of your adventure! And I'm glad you enjoy Locke Lamora! It's such a fascinating and beautiful book (even with all its violence).

    1. Yay! Another person who loves Locke Lamora. Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed it!!!


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