The Swirling Void That Is the Future|| I Don't Have A "Pla"

For the first time ever. EVER. I have no idea what to do with my life.

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Yes, you read that right. I, the planner, the hardworker, the "I have a life plan"er, have lost any idea of what career I want.

I know that no matter what I end up doing, I will always be writing, but in the real world, making enough to survive off of writing alone is very hard, so I need a second job. A money maker. BUT I ALSO WANT TO BE HAPPY. For the past few years, I've been pretty sure that I was going to be a creative writing teacher, but PLOT TWIST, I don't like people or teaching, I just like creative writing. Then I settled on being a travel-writer, because HELLO traveling and writing in one. #dreamjob

But now???

I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. Which is really strange and kind of freaking me out. I feel like this is almost a rite of passage as a teenager, unsure if one wants to be the President of the United States or a chopstick architect, but to be honest, I never thought I'd be here, wondering what the void of darkness (aka my future) holds for me.

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I have to trust God's plan for my life instead of my own, which is hard...but in the end, good...I guess. He knows what's up. 

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." - Jeremiah 29:11

1. Properly, that which the mind thinks.
2. Idea; 
3. Opinion; judgment.
4. Meditation; serious consideration.
→5. Design; purpose←
6. Silent contemplation.
Hear that? He knows the purpose that he has for us; a purpose, a design, of peace. That is reassuring. He has me in His hands, and I know that no matter what my future will be amazing BUT IT'S STILL KIND OF SCARY (I've kind of been clinging this song).

Luckily I'm still young so I have time to figure out what cardboard box I'm going to live in. I mean, there are so many choices.

Do you have your life figured out? Or are you, too, wondering what exactly your life is going to throw at you? Did you ever have outrageous career goals as a small human (aka child)? I wanted to be a tap dancer. I had actual tap dancing shoes and everything. I rocked those shoes. 


  1. Agh I do not have my life figured out, most emphatically no. I want to have a career as an author but like...apparently that's very hard to live off anyway. EXISTENTIAL CRISES INTENSIFIES. So I totally understand the fear and worry of this!! Especially when people are like "chase your dreams" and I'm like...but I want to live in a bookshelf and be paid to fangirl over books, mate.😂 Someone hire me for that. hhahaha.

    As a kid I wanted to be a pirate. 😂

    1. It is good to know that I am not the only one. And seriously, I wish I could just travel the world and write, but MONEY IS A THING. Living in a bookshelf should definitely be a proper job. SOMEONE GET ON THIS.

      That is a worthy career goal.

  2. I want to be a writer/public speaker. I wish I could be a full-time writer, but 1. I am definitely not good enough at it for that, and 2. You don't make enough money off it. So, bye-bye, that dream! I shall now begin my life as a medical billing specialist (seriously, they need like ten million of those! It's crazy!)

    1. Woah, that's so cool! A medical billing specialist sounds like a fun (at least it might be, I don't really know XD).

      I wish you all the luck in achieving your dreams!!

  3. I know exactly how you feel. Before I realized what I wanted to do I had the exact same thoughts/anticipation and even fear. But after I realized what I wanted it all seemed so silly. Just trust in God, do your best not to worry about it (easier said than done, I know), and keep pursuing your interests. If you're following the Lord I promise it will all come together eventually. :D

    1. Yep, I know that as long as I am trusting God all things will work together for good. :) BUT I AM A PLANNER. I like having a plan. XD

  4. The "I don't like teaching or people" gave me a little laugh. ;) I hope you find something that appeals to you. I have a few suggestions if you'd like to hear?

    (imma write them out in case you decide you'd like to hear ;) )

    Why don't you branch out and try a few things you never saw yourself doing? That is one way to discover what you would like. I discovered I wanted to work in the medical field by merely becoming a nanny and taking a first aid class- which by the way, I was that kid that despised medical stuff, hospitals and treated people like leppers whenever I heard they were sick. And now I cannot WAIT to work in a hospital!!

    What if you volunteered at the library? or vet/pound, or took a first aid/CPR class, applied for a barista job, or maybe even public works (parks and recreation maybe? ;) ) You could find internships for random things all around you! This is an exciting time, discovering new things and new interests! Also, why don't you write a list of all your interests down and see if you can find a similarity between them all. Good luck in this new journey of life!

    1. Ooo, those are some really good ideas. I definitely have the habit of staying inside my bubble (it's all nice and comfortable here in my bubble). Trying new things is something that I have tried to do, but should make more of a priority. The list is another fantastic idea. Thanks!!

      Working in parks and recreation would be awesome (in theory). ;)

  5. Well, at different stages in my life, I wanted to be a cowboy, a veterinarian, and a teacher. I went to college thinking I'd be a journalist, decided that wasn't for me, and shifted to just "writer." But those were the "acceptable" answers to the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" question -- the answers grown-ups liked. The real answer was that I wanted to be a wife and stay-at-home mom who homeschools. But weirdly, if I said "I want to be a mom," they would say, "And what else?"

    What am I now? A wife and stay-at-home mom who homeschools. And a writer.

    1. That's so awesome that you ended up doing what you really wanted to. It's really inspiring to see someone who is actually doing what they have been called to do instead of going with what everyone else expected them to do.

      Being a mother is one of the noblest careers (and it is quite the career. Probably the most demanding, too). Go you!!

    2. I ought to clarify that grownups never really liked the "cowboy" answer either. I thought that was a perfectly excellent career choice, but they kept calling me "cute." This may be one reason I decided never to be a grownup. An adult, I can't help, but "grownup" is a state of mind, and I reject it.

      The weird thing about motherhood is, it's got an expiration date. I'm really glad God blessed me with the talent and desire to do something creative as well, and a husband who supports it, because I'm pretty sure writing will be really important to me when my kids grow up.

      (But I have a wooden sign in my living room that says "I should have been a cowboy.")

    3. Pshh, those darn grownups. BEING A COWBOY IS A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWER.

      That's so awesome! I know that I've seen a lot of mothers (granted, I don't know how much they were listening to the Lord) be purposeless after their kids are grown and gone. It's good to hear that you do still have passions and a creative spark. XD

    4. I'm not a big fan of grownups.

      My own mom struggled a lot when my younger brother left the nest, so it's something I've been really aware of, I think. It's definitely important to love your kids, but not make them the center of your world. God should be the center of your world, and everyone else, you love and cherish, but don't lose yourself in. I've seen people who have this same problem with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or spouse -- you need to be your own person with your own interests.

      One of these days, I'm totally going to go to a dude ranch before I get too old, so I can at least play cowboy.

    5. Exactly! I couldn't have put it better myself. One thing that I see very often (both in real life and books or TV shows or movies) is the idea that one day you are going to find something that completes you (whether that be a career or a spouse), when it in reality, we should be complete on our own (well obviously not all on our own. God is the only thing that can truly complete us).

      Do it!! :) I've been to one dude ranch before, and it was one of the best weeks of my life.

  6. This blog post could not be more relevant for where I am in my life right now!

    I certainly do not have my life sorted out, I've just moved to live in a new country and I'm caught between the blogging/creative side versus the get a job, strict hours, but regular pay...

    When I was a kid I wanted to be a vet and I still to this day love animals more than anything. Who knows what my year is going to look like haha!


    1. Wow, it sounds like you are in the middle of quite transition. A whole new country seems like it would be intimidating to get a new start in.

      That's so great! I considered being a vet because of all the cute animals that I would get to love, but then I thought about the other, less glamorous side of it and reconsidered. XD I'm sure you would have made a wonderful vet!

  7. Oh my goodness, girl, I'm right there with you! I'm literally about to graduate from college in like 2 months and I'm still not exactly sure what the Lord is going to do. Interestingly enough, a woman who has made a living as a freelance writer came and spoke to my class today. So it can be done! But I say, don't sweat it. Keep praying and asking God to show you where He has gifted you. You don't need to know everything right now.

    P.S. This was everything: "Luckily I'm still young so I have time to figure out what cardboard box I'm going to live in." SAME

    P.S.S. I love that song! My sister and I sang it for our ladies' retreat some months back. It's great! :)

    1. Congrats on almost being done with college (but also, that seems scary XD). It's so awesome to know that God has our lives in His hands. He's looking out for us.

      P.S. We should start a club. We can get together monthly and discuss decorating techniques for the cardboard. It'll be a grand ol' time.

      P.S.S. That's awesome! I adore that song.

  8. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. So much. Ughh the struggle is real. My dream is to be an author. I just want to write and to meet other writers and flail over books and write hope and intriguing, captivating stories in my words. So many of my friends seem to have it figured out, and I'm over here like, "Pfft I don't even know if I'm going to college and all I want to do is write but that's an unlikely career choice." #help

    We got this. <3

    katie grace
    a writer's faith

    1. LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID IS 100% ME. Goodness, they should have support groups for this kind of thing, where all of us struggling writers get together and discuss things like money and the future. XD

      Aw, that made me smile. <3

  9. Uggg I can soooooo relate right now. I mean here I go, seventeen years of my life thinking "I will start an equestrian center, I won't get rich but I'll survive and be happy" and then BOOM other interests invade my happy bubble and I want to be a ballroom dancer (which is a money pit WHY MUST YE BE SO EXPENSIVE like other than professionally teaching, which I know I don't wanna do, you literally cannot make money doing it. What even.) and then my brain is like "lets talk about your childhood dream of sword fighting" and now I wanna be an actor/stunt person/stunt coordinator WHATEVER GETS ME PUNCHING THINGS AND DOING FLIPS OR WHATEVER.

    Don't get me started on the back of my mind screaming DON'T FORGET ALL THE NOVELS YOU HAVE TO WRITE YOU HALF BAKED COOKIE. AND YOU LOVE HISTORY, WHAT ABOUT THAT? ARE YOUR OTHER INTEREST CHOP LIVER?). Haha, oh brain. Why do you do this to me.

    1. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE THE BEST CAREER OF EVER THOUGH. All of your ideas seem like they would be so fun (and perfect for you).

  10. thanks to share this awesome post....


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