What are these high standards, you ask? What a coincidence, Top 10 Tuesdays was wondering the same thing (also this is my first Top 10 Tuesday thingie, so go me). I have a list of my standards. This list has been refined over years of consuming the highest quality literature.
1. "You're pretty. I like you." aka I am a shallow bookdragon.I like to think of myself as a kind, understanding person who knows that there are more important things than looks, but put me in a bookstore and BOOM, beauty is all that matters. I'll find a book that is universally hated by all, and a classic that is beloved by many, but I am a delusional hamster who has no sense, so which do I choose? The one with the prettier cover.
Me: Okay, Brain, which do we choose?
Brain: Obviously the one with a compelling story, developed characters, and breathtaking world-building.
Me: That's a good plan. We will-- wait. Do you see this?
Brain: Not again.
Me: The other book has stars on the cover. And sparkles.
Brain: Do not do this.
Me: I like stars and sparkles.
Me: *pulls out wallet*
Duh. How else would I choose?
|Me in a bookstore 100%|
2. Description aka everyone should read Furthermore.You have found me out. This entire post was just a ruse to get you to read Furthermore. I'm still speechless about the beauty of that book. It is smooth and soft and--what was the point of this? Oh yeah. If a book is like Furthermore in any way, there is a 100% chance that I will read it. I adore books that are beautiful to read.
3. Independent-women-who-don't-need-a-man aka my feminist agenda.Literally, any book that features a strong heroine (who is actually strong!! The definition of strong is not "looks good in all black and is super sarcastic") is the greatest. I love seeing females (and for that matter, males too) who are emotionally strong and have their own interests and personalities. One of my favorite quotes is "Be who you're going to be and own it." When I see a character that embodies that quote, the book becomes 37% better.
|Raven has all the answers.|
4. Dragons aka my brethren.
I feel like I don't even need to expand on this point. Any dragons. At all. If I see a dragon on the cover, in the description, or as the main character, I will read it. I would read it even if it was a Twilight retelling but with a dragon instead of a vampire (now that I think about it, I would totally read that. Someone write that please).
Let's replace everything with dragons!!!
- Librarians would be so much better as scaled beasts that have a book-hoard, and do not part with it lightly. There are no overdue fees, only the threat of being barbecued. A+ system.
- Gas attendants would rock if they drank gas and breathed fire.
- All grandmothers would be 100% cooler (sorry grandma, I still love you) if they were secretly old, wise dragons who crushed thousands of pompous knights.
- Tortured dragon artists that painted their sorrows in the blood of those who crossed them.
- In fact, even writers would be better as dragons (I know we're already powerful, magical beings, but dragons breathe fire).
5. Romance aka I will ship all the things. I have no chill. If it breathes, I ships.I have a problem. The first step is admitting it. The second step is finding books that satisfy my shipper heart. BUT IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE: I am a cantankerous old man who is very picky. It has to have enough romance to satisfy me, but not to the point where it overpowers the plot or is annoying. The characters should ideally find each other annoying at first, but IT CAN'T BE CLICHE. But I also want all the cliche. Do you see my problem? Maybe I like fictional relationships to make up for the lack of relationships in my life (it just got real). Bonus: Fictional relationships take much less work.
6. BOOKS aka bookception.You know what's better than reading books? Reading a book about a book. Or even better, reading a book about a book about a book (it's confusing I know, but try to keep up). Books that take place in libraries are MY DREAM. Inkheart is my ideal premise: A book about books that come to life, and then another book about going into books. Could it get any better?? I think not.
7. A New Twist On An Old Tale aka classics, but with dragons or space or space dragons.I love reading stories of beloved characters, but with a twist of some sort, like Romeo and Juliet but in a dystopian setting (which is coincidentally where one of my favorite book ideas started from). Fairytale retellings are basically the literary equivalent to candy. Give me an activist Cinderella that is speaking out against child abuse, or college student Sleeping Beauty who is having a hard time paying off her student loans and would rather just lay in bed (#relatable). ALL THE RETELLINGS.
8. Characters aka the star of the whole thing.If the story sports a cast of fab characters, then no matter how bad the plot is, or how weak the writing is, I will probably read it. Characters spark emotion more than anything else. If a good character takes up arms against something, you better believe I, too, am preparing for war. I have the black clothes and a baseball bat, and I will march at dawn. And, let's be honest, it makes it a lot easier to ship when there's some good options. Also FIGHTING MORTAL ENEMIES is a lot more fun when you're rooting for the main character instead of hoping they die a horrible death.
|To all the horrible characters out there. Sincerely, Me.|
9. But Mainly Emotional Connection aka the "F" in INFP stands for FEELING.I am not a good book reviewer mainly because I judge books based on my emotional connection with them. A book can quite literally be flawless, not a single mistake, but if it doesn't capture my heart, then I throw it into the fire (or maybe just to the side?? I don't want to burn a book. I'm not a monster) and move on to the next book. With every piece of media or entertainment I consume, I want to be able to experience a range of emotion. With a good book, I should go from "Aww"ing to *gasp*ing to sobbing on the floor among my broken dreams.
|I know I've used this before, but I LOVE IT.|
10. I just like stories aka if you shove a book in my direction, odds are I will read it.I just really love stories. There are books that I have despised, but for the most part, I like most books, and I am excited to read something new. GUYS, I JUST LOVE READING SO MUCH. It's the best. I don't appreciate enough the fact that I get to read so much. Though I should go outside more. Maybe. We'll see. No promises.
Now you, too, can be a connoisseur of fine novels. You're welcome.
What is something that will make you want to read a book? Do you agree with any of my points? Especially the dragon one. I'm starting a petition for every character to be replaced with a dragon. Pls sign. What's your favorite thing about reading?Toodlepip